If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
