Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
