even my farts smell like vagina
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
