Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
