she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
