my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
