You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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