can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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