We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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