the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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