I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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