guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
