So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
