I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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