Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
