Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
