Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
