You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
