Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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