Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
