Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
