I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
