Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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