Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
