my mouth tastes like poor choices
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize