3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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