So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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