Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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