I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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