yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
