her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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