Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
