At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
