the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
