Are we in a gay sports bar?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
