you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
