Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
