is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
