I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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