i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
