i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
