Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
