Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
