she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
