I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
