Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
