walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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