what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im holly from the hills drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
