remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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