I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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