fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
