Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
