God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
