You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize