you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
