i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
