O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In America we eat man semen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
