as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The adults are the big ones right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
