girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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