I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize