ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize