That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
