My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
