hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
