he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
