just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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