Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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