Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it fun? or sober?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
