I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
